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Self Care

We all know that we can’t pour from an empty glass.  Taking care of yourself is not selfish, in fact it’s the best thing we can do to ourselves to ensure that we are able to give.

All to often we give and we give and we give.  We allot ourselves the leftovers. If that. Maybe.

Then it’s all to easy to find ourselves overwhelmed, not feeling accomplished enough, good enough, fast enough, pretty enough, fit enough….. you fill in the blank.

Then we remind ourselves that we need to escape the pressure.  We give ourselves permission to take a nap. To take a hot bath with a glass of wine. To eat chocolate covered caramels and watch that movie we’ve been wanting to see.

Taking time for ourselves is a way we refuel. However, if we find ourselves in a cycle of exhaustion and escape, exhaustion and escape, I do not define this as self care. I call this the expectation-escape cycle. Escape is a disconnect from true self care.

Self Care is not a means to a escape, 


Self care means building a life from which you don’t need to regularly escape.

Does that sound a little familiar? Does that ring an uncomfortable bell?

It has with me. 

The act of self care is more than a monthly massage and a piece of chocolate cake (although by all means that can be included too)

Self care is sometimes uncomfortable, doesn’t feel like “care” because it’s doing what you really NEED to not constantly beat yourself up.

It means identifying your self sabotaging behaviors. Confronting your blocks. Understanding your fears. Not tying your worth to a limited definition of success.

It’s exercising because you love your body, not because you hate it.

It’s meal planning because figuring out food last minute causes you stress.

It’s writing out your budget and allowing self care funds to be a part of your expenditures so you don’t feel guilty for spending on yourself.

It’s identifying why you procrastinate, why you blame others, so you can work on the root.

It’s filling your life with people who believe in you. It’s saying goodbye to those who don’t. 

It’s giving grace to others along the journey, to prevent resentment and anger. It’s giving this same grace to yourself as well.

It’s setting goals out of ambition, not out of other people’s expectations.

It’s breathing in your oils while repeating individualized affirmations of your value and purpose, while accepting the stumbles in the process.

It’s fueling your heart and your mind by spending time with like minded people, allowing others to pour into you, and doing things for yourself to fuel yourself. Because you love and value yourself. 

And THEN – when you are doing these things, not having guilt about spending either time or money on yourself. Allowing yourself to refuel without guild. And yes, It’s okay to enjoy an occasional piece of chocolate cake.

I love you friends.

Be kind to yourselves.